Classical Music Humor

We all need a good dose of humor from time to time. My stand partner and I have had a laugh riot over the following meme that I found courtesy of the Orchestra.Humor Pinterest page. A lot of the parents from my childhood thought that listening to rap or heavy metal music would make us kids overly aggressive and mean-spirited. Well …. Apparently, having your child listen to classical music may do something just as bad to them if they happen to fall into the hands of the wrong composer.

For those who aren’t familiar with these composers, I will continue on to explain the inside joke.

The Haydn Effect: Haydn composed over 100 symphonies. I’ve personally enjoyed performing and auditioning with his cello Concerto in C for years. He and Mozart were good friends, and Haydn’s warm, caring and loving personality is often contrasted against that of Wagner.

The Bach Effect: Bach composed over 300 church service cantatas that were based on church hymns and Gospel readings. His technical profundity can be overwhelming and has definitely stopped many well-seasoned musicians in their tracks.

The Handel Effect: Handel has been described as a dramatic genius of the first order due to his Italian opera productions.

The Beethoven Effect: Beethoven is one of the most famous and influential composers of his time. He was a crucial figure in the transition from the Classical to what is considered the Romantic era of music. He supposedly started going deaf in his 20s when he went into a violent rage after his work was interrupted. His tantrum caused him to topple over which is when he lost his hearing.

The Liszt Effect: It has been rumored that Liszt would need 2 pianos at his recitals because the first would most definitely be destroyed by the extravagant force with which he played. He has been described as a mixture of Lang Lang’s virtuosity and Justin Timberlake’s ‘carnal’ appeal. If given the choice, most music historians would much rather listen to a Chopin piano composition.

The Bruckner Effect: Bruckner could probably be considered a pioneer in the radicalization of his musical genre. His compositions were known for their considerable length, dissonance, modulations that just seemed to show up out of nowhere and harmonies that defied conventional song writing techniques.

The Grieg Effect: Grieg helped to put Norwegian Folk Music on the international stage since he would use and develop those tunes as the base for his own compositions.

The Wagner Effect: Wagner is most noted for his operas and highly controversial writings. His life was a chaotic mix of political exile, turbulent love affairs and evading his creditors.

The Schoenberg Effect: Schoenberg is known as the first modern composer to come up with ways of creating multiple variations of a theme without having a main melodic theme that the song’s loose ends tie back into.

The Ives Effect: Ives is considered to be an American original music innovator. He would combine church music elements, American popular music and European music to create his unique style of experimental music.

The Stravinsky Effect: The 1913 premiere of one his works has gone down in history as a famous classical music riot where fist fights erupted in the audience and a police presence was needed to make it through the 2nd act.

The Shostakovich Effect: His dry style of piano playing was described as showing emotional restraint. When some of his earlier works were denounced by the Soviet government, his response was to create a more musically conservative sound which returned him to favour.

The Cage Effect: Cage is best known for his composition entitled 4’33’’ in which musicians show up on stage and play nothing for exactly 4 minutes and 33 seconds.

The Glass Effect: Glass’ approach to composing music was to use repetitive music structures. This technique has been described as minimalism.

In reality, I’m sure that no real harm will come to your children by exposing them to classical music. I hope that you too were able to find the humor in these composer descriptions. If not, then hopefully this was a fun way to learn about some of the most prolific composers of all time.

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The Science Behind The ‘Other Medicine’ Called Music

Note:  This article was originally written for the D’Addario Orchestral ‘Behind The Bridge’ blog …..

When my performance schedule and new board member responsibilities started to ramp up, I found myself waking up in the middle of the night with my mind racing and that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that I’d forgotten to do something important. It was only a matter of time before my restless nights began to make me feel rather unhealthy. A close friend and fellow musician started sending me meditation music links that I was supposed to play as I went to bed in order to help me relax into a peaceful sleep. I decided to do a YouTube search for similar songs and came across a whole genre of mind healing music that’s based on the natural frequencies of the universe.

Of course, the scientist in me had to go on a fact-finding mission to investigate the claims that I was seeing. There were quite a few references to the Solfeggio frequency of 528Hz, which is supposed to be a miracle tone and the frequency of love. I remember one day when I was particularly stressed out more than usual, I had an unexpected reaction to this music. I started smiling against my will, then had uncontrollable bursts of laughter, and then all of a sudden became very calm. That’s what convinced me that there was really some magic behind this healing music. When I looked at my music frequency chart that I use for my music production, I noticed that the 528Hz is right where the cello’s core fundamental tones transition to the harmonic overtones. That’s probably the reason why it’s so mentally therapeutic for me to play.  

I found this website which discusses the Solfeggio frequencies in great detail: Apparently, this scale has 9 distinct healing frequencies that have specific effects on the body.

  • 174Hz is a natural anesthetic and is supposed to mask pain.
  • 285Hz is supposed to help with the healing of wounds since it’s affect is to aid in returning cells to their original form.
  • 396Hz cleanses the feeling of guilt and sobers the mind so that it can return to reality.
  • 417Hz can be used to heal the mind from traumatic experiences and to open creative potential.
  • 528Hz can be used to return human DNA to a perfect state and clears a mental path for deep spiritual enlightenment.
  • 639Hz enhances communication, tolerance, understanding and love.
  • 741Hz is supposed to trigger the cleansing of toxins from our cells and to assist in healing infections.
  • 852Hz helps to clear mental blocks and stagnation.
  • 963Hz is supposed to awaken all bodily systems to their original and perfect state.

All of these frequencies can be attributed to a variety of instruments as indicated in the chart below. I’m not a medical profession and have no diagnostic way of confirming the real effects of the Solfeggio frequencies, but I think that any music lover can tell you about the song that makes them cry or smile or laugh. To paraphrase Plato – music really does give a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to absolutely everything.

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Teaching Music To Autistic Students

Over the years, I’ve had the interesting challenge of teaching a handful of students who were on the autism spectrum. I’ve always had a special place in my heart for the special needs community since my youngest sister was born with a serious disability, and I’ve lived through some of her struggles with her first hand.  I feel that I have to at least try to work with any student who has the desire to learn an instrument until we reach a point where I’m more of a hindrance than a help.

Autism in Music

Every student is different, and this is even more so the case with autistic students because there is no one way to categorize or pigeon hole autism. Even high functioning autistic students can have social interaction and motor control issues that you’ll have to find a way to overcome.  I had one student who consistently had a hard time focusing on complex assignments while another could complete assignments very well, but would start humming and zoning out if my lectures went beyond a minute or so. I had yet another student who had the spectacular gift of being able to identify the pitch of any note he heard on any instrument in the exact order that each note was played even though he had severe limitations in his daily life due to his Asperger’s symptoms. There was definitely no one-size-fits-all teaching strategy to handle the array of behavior patterns, but below are a few techniques that helped me reach my students where they were so that they could also reap the benefits of music lessons just like their mainstream counterparts.

  1. Be prepared to provide a simplified version of assignments or break complex assignments into smaller pieces. I’ve found that having smaller bite-sized deliverables helps keep the momentum during lesson time. For example, we may decide to check off a song line by line instead of making it a requirement to play the whole song perfectly from beginning to end.
  2. As a music teacher, you just have to accept that most assignments will never be polished, so you may have to pick one or two teaching points to focus on and then move on once you feel that your student has reached an acceptable level of proficiency.
  3. For some students you may have to get all of their senses involved in order to draw them into the lesson. I have red rhythm sticks that I let students use to beat out their rhythms while counting out loud. In the past, I’ve also had students glide and then hop across the room to demonstrate the difference between playing legato and staccato. Sometimes I would unexpectedly throw in a flashcard exercise if I would see that I was reaching the end of my students’ attention span for a particular assignment.
  4. If your student has perfect pitch, then you might want to build your lessons around that strength since that is something that comes naturally to the student.
  5. If a student is consistently having trouble reading notes on the staff, then you might want to try associating a note name with the pitch or even a color and then make the connection to the symbol on the staff to see if that helps. You can have your student color the note on the staff with the same color that you used in your association game. Your student can use this same color chart on his/her assignments for the next few weeks or months to see if this finally helps things click as they learn to read notes on the staff.
  6. Colorful and quirky visual aids may also be helpful in getting your student to focus on what you’re trying to teach.
  7. Give your rehearsals a distinct routine, and warn students if you’ll be breaking from it. Many students find this comforting.
  8. I believe that all students should have the equal opportunity to play in my student recitals if they so desire and have the adequate time to prepare. For my autistic students, I make sure to physically practice recital etiquette starting weeks before a recital. This is sometimes very effective for students who have trouble emotionally connecting to others. This way they know what they’re supposed to do even if they can’t fully understand why they should acknowledge the audience that has so kindly sat through their performance.

I’m in no way an expert when it comes to handling autistic or other special needs music students since the bulk of my training has come on the job. This list of ideas came about after a long time of trial and error, and I’m happy to have met my autistic students because they’ve helped to make me a better teacher for all students. I hope that this article will be helpful to you should you ever find yourself in my shoes one day.

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